Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Awww Moment

The Awww Moment is a specific point in time that any type B girl reaches at some point or another. The word "moment" is a little misleading; it's not exactly a moment as such, more like a phase. And it can re-occur several times.

So when is this proverbial Awww Moment?
You go through life, and you're bound to have friends who are both Type A and Type B. At the Awww moment most - if not all - of the girls around you, whether A or B have already found their match. The married ones are - as so eloquently put by them – “trying for a baby” (insert sigh and dreamy smile). The yet-to-be-married ones are planning their wedding or honeymoon.
Conversation dwindle down to the choice of center pieces, the cheapest florist, birth control (or lack thereof), and how expensive schools are.
You'd think "trying for a baby" would insinuate some R-rated insight into married life, but no! A good Egyptian girl does not engage in a sex-and-the-city-like conversation. Girth, stamina, size and technique are household secrets not to be divulged. And no, she won't even tell you when there's a sale going on at Bodique or Etam Lingerie - coz good girls wear granny pants, bonus points for keeping the bra on during the whole shebang.
Sadly at the Awww Moment, all girls, Type A or B, behave similarly.
The utterly painful Awww Moment comes when even your friends are wondering when it is that the sun will shine on your love life (and when the 7alawa will slide on your bushy legs and ahem ,,, sensitives!)
Your friends also start giving you the "mesh 7anefrak beeki ba2a" or the "yalla ba2a sheddi 7elik" and worse the sympathetic arm squeeze every time the subject of men comes up.
(N.B. The fact that you think that they are all crazy for walking into the marriage cage is beside the point, keep your mouth shut, no body needs to know that you're a bitter almost-old hag)

Your friends would split into two main groups: Those who will do something about your Awww Moment, and those who don't.
Those who do something will try and help, and depending on what Type they are, the help will differ.
Type A will start asking if anyone has shown interest. Hasn't your mom or your aunties suggested something? They struggle to get their point across which is: get off your freaking high horse, and let your mom and her friends hook you up before it's too late. This is all camouflaged in: “it's not such a desperate thing” or “sometimes arranged marriages work out the best” or the award-winning: "it's not like in the old days, you can say no if you don't like the guy!" in a wise reassuring voice.
Type B will take matters into their own hands. If you're hot (and by hot I mean thin and not hideously ugly), they'll start hooking you up with boys they know. Husbands' friends, girlfriends’ brothers and whoever’s available. And if you’re not hot (i.e. fat) someone will actually suggest online dating.
Your friends who won’t do anything might be a little insensitive to your needs of a big strong man to protect you, but at least you’ve successfully avoided some bound-to-happen awkwardness.

The length of the Awww Moment is entirely up to the girl. You should try and find a boy right now, just a temporary thing. People will shut up, then you can dump him and that'll buy you a couple of months afterwards where you will pretend to mend your broken heart. But then the Awww Moment will re-occur.
Alternatively you can make up shit! Who will come and check if that guy at work really made a pass at you? Just find a bullet-proof imaginary guy/guys to avoid being at the center of your own Awww Moment. (Extra Perk: you get to make up shit as you go – so let your imagination run wild).

Alas, if all else fails, you will have to endure your 15 minutes of Awww Moment (they're more like 15 months, but if you break it down by fifteens of minutes is gets easier....That's a lie, it doesn't really….)