Last post the Marriage Equation was the theme. How bout looking what the equation looks like for the girl when judging a potential prey - excuse me - suitor.
F(marriage) = (desperation factor ^ 2 x money/looks ratio x family x charm)/ cheapness
So let's talk about it one by one:
1) The Desperation Factor powered by two is a leading factor in the decision. The D-factor determines just how much you'll compromise in everything. The D-factor only kicks in when girls hit that 25 mark, because 25 is the last "perfect" age to get married. It's starts creeping up slowly. You hit 25 you're a little worried, but you're hopeful, there's still time. 26 you get a little apprehensive, friends have started kicking in and helping you find the dude. 27 and 28 is the scattering around to find the guy time. 29 is injury time, D-factor has been creeping up to reach an all time high. And then you hit the big three oh - 3 0. Like in football, the team starts a good move at the final minute, followed by another ok move, the crowd slowly gets up on their feet, gets apprehensive, the cheers get louder, the hands clench and the jaws drop in screams of encouragement, and then..... the ball misses. The atmosphere deflates, the screams die out and the crowd is staring down, elbows on knees, hands on head, as all hope squanders out with the defeated exhale that is released after the big miss.
The rise of the desperation factor varies from girl to girl, for some it creeps up faster than others. At the height of the D-factor girls start considering men in the workplace which was previously a big no-no since it's harder to evaluate their family and background. They start re-visiting the past, reconsidering ex-boyfriends they've dumped and get bitter over the ones who rejected them. Around the beginning of the D-factor is when progress is usually made. Girls are still sane enough to make good decisions, and a certain level of D-factor will make them get out there more, flirt a little more, go to places where they could meet people - which are all strategies that often bloat success. As the D-factor rises, the sanity can sometimes be compromised which could lead to either bad or catastrophic choices (like leading you to the dude who just started growing a beard and is shopping for a galabeya)
2) The money/looks ratio is also an aspect. Money and looks don't always go hand in hand, but ones existence can make up for the other non-existence. After all, what the hell are all those pretty girls doing ruining their chances of their offspring being barely ok-looking at best? Money can change bad looks, either surgically or just by showing off your other assets...
And as for looks and no money, when your parents start picturing how they will show off their adorable little grandchild to all their friends, they won't really care that the apartment is only 250 square-meters small. (yup, in egyo terms, 250 is small). Note that by no money we don't mean very poor - if the money is 0 then the equation won't even work, there has to be something there to work with.
3) and on to the family aspect. It's a well known fact, you don't just marry the man, you marry the family. The prospective mother-in-law is a huge part, but so is family history and lifestyle. Dubious members of the family are a huge disadvantage, while famous people, ones who have been hosted in a talk-show for example, are a huge plus. Relationships with families of past presidents or past politicians or famous people would also make a grand difference. Marrying the distant 3rd-cousin of Gamal Mubarak's brother-in-law is like winning the jackpot.
4) Perceived charm an interesting factor. A girl at the end of the day wants someone to sweep her off her feet. Why it's the perceived charm and not the actual one because the other factors can sometimes affect how a person is perceived. He can actually not be charming at all, but the cool family, pimping gifts, and/or good looks can be deceiving. The D-factor can also influence that, high d-factors can lead to resorting to make-believe charm.
5) And finally that whole equation is divided by cheapness. No body, and i mean, no body, ever wants a scrooge. No one! This is when -even in Egypt - you're better off single. Parents don't want another kid to spend on. They'd rather be stuck with a spinster than her marrying someone who will smooch off of her and them for the rest of their life. When it comes to money issues - that when it's a no go.
Now i'm pretty sure the "b-type" girl has the D-factor in her equation too, and i also think it has a similar effect. It's the other factors that would be hard to pin down.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The marriage equation
The marriage equation in Egypt is simple:
F(marriage) = Looks * money * good mother/wife * religion / previous relationships * virginity^3
If we look at the first part of the equation, this is where the more the merrier applies. You can actually do with just one, but you have to do it very well.
Lookers get rich men
Rich girls get good looking men
Good mothers/wives either hit the jackpot and get a good family man, or luck out and get the player who wants a stay at home cleaner, chef and nanny
Religious girls get religious guys
In either case, with every previous relationship your chances get a little smaller. Virginity exists then your chances get bigger, virginity doesn't exist chances get much slimmer (notice that it's to the power of 3)
Your equation determines both your chances as well as the characteristics of the man you should aim for.
Each factor deserves a separate post, but one thing's for sure, knowing your equation will take you one step closer to your diamond ring
F(marriage) = Looks * money * good mother/wife * religion / previous relationships * virginity^3
If we look at the first part of the equation, this is where the more the merrier applies. You can actually do with just one, but you have to do it very well.
Lookers get rich men
Rich girls get good looking men
Good mothers/wives either hit the jackpot and get a good family man, or luck out and get the player who wants a stay at home cleaner, chef and nanny
Religious girls get religious guys
In either case, with every previous relationship your chances get a little smaller. Virginity exists then your chances get bigger, virginity doesn't exist chances get much slimmer (notice that it's to the power of 3)
Your equation determines both your chances as well as the characteristics of the man you should aim for.
Each factor deserves a separate post, but one thing's for sure, knowing your equation will take you one step closer to your diamond ring
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Awww Moment
The Awww Moment is a specific point in time that any type B girl reaches at some point or another. The word "moment" is a little misleading; it's not exactly a moment as such, more like a phase. And it can re-occur several times.
So when is this proverbial Awww Moment?
You go through life, and you're bound to have friends who are both Type A and Type B. At the Awww moment most - if not all - of the girls around you, whether A or B have already found their match. The married ones are - as so eloquently put by them – “trying for a baby” (insert sigh and dreamy smile). The yet-to-be-married ones are planning their wedding or honeymoon.
Conversation dwindle down to the choice of center pieces, the cheapest florist, birth control (or lack thereof), and how expensive schools are.
You'd think "trying for a baby" would insinuate some R-rated insight into married life, but no! A good Egyptian girl does not engage in a sex-and-the-city-like conversation. Girth, stamina, size and technique are household secrets not to be divulged. And no, she won't even tell you when there's a sale going on at Bodique or Etam Lingerie - coz good girls wear granny pants, bonus points for keeping the bra on during the whole shebang.
Sadly at the Awww Moment, all girls, Type A or B, behave similarly.
The utterly painful Awww Moment comes when even your friends are wondering when it is that the sun will shine on your love life (and when the 7alawa will slide on your bushy legs and ahem ,,, sensitives!)
Your friends also start giving you the "mesh 7anefrak beeki ba2a" or the "yalla ba2a sheddi 7elik" and worse the sympathetic arm squeeze every time the subject of men comes up.
(N.B. The fact that you think that they are all crazy for walking into the marriage cage is beside the point, keep your mouth shut, no body needs to know that you're a bitter almost-old hag)
Your friends would split into two main groups: Those who will do something about your Awww Moment, and those who don't.
Those who do something will try and help, and depending on what Type they are, the help will differ.
Type A will start asking if anyone has shown interest. Hasn't your mom or your aunties suggested something? They struggle to get their point across which is: get off your freaking high horse, and let your mom and her friends hook you up before it's too late. This is all camouflaged in: “it's not such a desperate thing” or “sometimes arranged marriages work out the best” or the award-winning: "it's not like in the old days, you can say no if you don't like the guy!" in a wise reassuring voice.
Type B will take matters into their own hands. If you're hot (and by hot I mean thin and not hideously ugly), they'll start hooking you up with boys they know. Husbands' friends, girlfriends’ brothers and whoever’s available. And if you’re not hot (i.e. fat) someone will actually suggest online dating.
Your friends who won’t do anything might be a little insensitive to your needs of a big strong man to protect you, but at least you’ve successfully avoided some bound-to-happen awkwardness.
The length of the Awww Moment is entirely up to the girl. You should try and find a boy right now, just a temporary thing. People will shut up, then you can dump him and that'll buy you a couple of months afterwards where you will pretend to mend your broken heart. But then the Awww Moment will re-occur.
Alternatively you can make up shit! Who will come and check if that guy at work really made a pass at you? Just find a bullet-proof imaginary guy/guys to avoid being at the center of your own Awww Moment. (Extra Perk: you get to make up shit as you go – so let your imagination run wild).
Alas, if all else fails, you will have to endure your 15 minutes of Awww Moment (they're more like 15 months, but if you break it down by fifteens of minutes is gets easier....That's a lie, it doesn't really….)
So when is this proverbial Awww Moment?
You go through life, and you're bound to have friends who are both Type A and Type B. At the Awww moment most - if not all - of the girls around you, whether A or B have already found their match. The married ones are - as so eloquently put by them – “trying for a baby” (insert sigh and dreamy smile). The yet-to-be-married ones are planning their wedding or honeymoon.
Conversation dwindle down to the choice of center pieces, the cheapest florist, birth control (or lack thereof), and how expensive schools are.
You'd think "trying for a baby" would insinuate some R-rated insight into married life, but no! A good Egyptian girl does not engage in a sex-and-the-city-like conversation. Girth, stamina, size and technique are household secrets not to be divulged. And no, she won't even tell you when there's a sale going on at Bodique or Etam Lingerie - coz good girls wear granny pants, bonus points for keeping the bra on during the whole shebang.
Sadly at the Awww Moment, all girls, Type A or B, behave similarly.
The utterly painful Awww Moment comes when even your friends are wondering when it is that the sun will shine on your love life (and when the 7alawa will slide on your bushy legs and ahem ,,, sensitives!)
Your friends also start giving you the "mesh 7anefrak beeki ba2a" or the "yalla ba2a sheddi 7elik" and worse the sympathetic arm squeeze every time the subject of men comes up.
(N.B. The fact that you think that they are all crazy for walking into the marriage cage is beside the point, keep your mouth shut, no body needs to know that you're a bitter almost-old hag)
Your friends would split into two main groups: Those who will do something about your Awww Moment, and those who don't.
Those who do something will try and help, and depending on what Type they are, the help will differ.
Type A will start asking if anyone has shown interest. Hasn't your mom or your aunties suggested something? They struggle to get their point across which is: get off your freaking high horse, and let your mom and her friends hook you up before it's too late. This is all camouflaged in: “it's not such a desperate thing” or “sometimes arranged marriages work out the best” or the award-winning: "it's not like in the old days, you can say no if you don't like the guy!" in a wise reassuring voice.
Type B will take matters into their own hands. If you're hot (and by hot I mean thin and not hideously ugly), they'll start hooking you up with boys they know. Husbands' friends, girlfriends’ brothers and whoever’s available. And if you’re not hot (i.e. fat) someone will actually suggest online dating.
Your friends who won’t do anything might be a little insensitive to your needs of a big strong man to protect you, but at least you’ve successfully avoided some bound-to-happen awkwardness.
The length of the Awww Moment is entirely up to the girl. You should try and find a boy right now, just a temporary thing. People will shut up, then you can dump him and that'll buy you a couple of months afterwards where you will pretend to mend your broken heart. But then the Awww Moment will re-occur.
Alternatively you can make up shit! Who will come and check if that guy at work really made a pass at you? Just find a bullet-proof imaginary guy/guys to avoid being at the center of your own Awww Moment. (Extra Perk: you get to make up shit as you go – so let your imagination run wild).
Alas, if all else fails, you will have to endure your 15 minutes of Awww Moment (they're more like 15 months, but if you break it down by fifteens of minutes is gets easier....That's a lie, it doesn't really….)
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Pilot
Young Single women in Cairo have it tough. Odds are if you haven’t met your match by the time you start work, you’ve officially entered the jungle.
Imagine that scene from “Mean Girls” where all the kids at school turn into animals and start ripping each other, that’s what life is like if you are a single working woman in the big City.
A number of girls meet their matches in private lessons at high school, or land their dream guy at university where you have the time to look gorgeous every day of the week, the lucky few land themselves a nice mo3eed (teaching assistant) who sweeps them off their feet with his charming wits and more mature circle of friends.
As the final months of college drag on, one can’t help but feel like there are walking towards the un-known. While Sherine and Azza are planning their engagement, Dina and Sara are checking out honeymoon destinations, the single girl is focusing on loosing those last three kilos to make sure she can land someone in those last few months left.
Single women in Cairo are categorized in two main groups, those who will, and those who won’t; by that I am referring to the big giant industry of arranged marriages.
Depending on whether you’re part of one or the other group, you lead a very different life.
Say you are one of those who will accept arranged marriages. This automatically puts you on the path of getting a nice, decent un-ambitious job going out with good girls, hanging out in café’s and restaurants and girl’s houses. You take your mom’s advice on what to wear and how to accessorize, you go to all weddings, engagements and family gatherings –to be seen and all, you smile and say thank you while blushing politely, you’re friendly to all your mom’s friends, you are very agreeable in public and do not voice your opinions unless you are in an intimate one-on-one conversation with a close friend. If you are smart, intelligent and have a brain you make sure you are very subtle about it and you do not challenge anyone or be too noticeable in big gatherings. You spend your summers vacationing in Marina with your family and go to parties with all the kids in your family.
Now if you are one of those who won’t accept an arranged marriage, life gets tougher. You have to go out and find one, which means you have to act in a way that impresses the boy himself and not his mother. Wardrobe suggestions from your mother are strictly ignored; instead you rely on Cosmo, Glamor and Instyle. Your job is important, when it sucks it has a big impact on your overall mood, so you end up doing or trying to do something you really like; which leaves less time for accessorizing and mixing and matching. It also makes beauty sleep scarce and turns make-up into something you associate with dressing up for a party. Your hang-outs extend to pubs, house parties and sexy roof top bars leaving less time for family gatherings and casual polite conversations with your mom’s friends. Being charming and witty and engaging in light conversations that swiftly move from traffic and weather to the state of the economy and the new social trends is an art that needs to be mastered. An aura of effortlessly chic is also necessary – after all you are a smart young urban professional – you don’t have time to look too over done. Since you’re out there experiencing life you have more to contribute to conversations which makes it hard to nod politely when someone looks your direction after an interesting statement. You spend your vacations with friends, hoping to get to know more people and the concept of getting to know someone sitting next to you in a café or a bar doesn’t seem that appalling any more. At weddings you dance and have a good time mixing and meeting people instead of standing next to the bride smiling and clapping, trips to the buffet with family members are replaced with trips to the bathroom with the girls to go over the “potentials” on the dance floor.
All in all, depending on whether you’re type A-Single or type B-Single – your life is not the same. Tune in for an insight into the life of single women in Cairo, it’s a jungle out there. Enjoy
Imagine that scene from “Mean Girls” where all the kids at school turn into animals and start ripping each other, that’s what life is like if you are a single working woman in the big City.
A number of girls meet their matches in private lessons at high school, or land their dream guy at university where you have the time to look gorgeous every day of the week, the lucky few land themselves a nice mo3eed (teaching assistant) who sweeps them off their feet with his charming wits and more mature circle of friends.
As the final months of college drag on, one can’t help but feel like there are walking towards the un-known. While Sherine and Azza are planning their engagement, Dina and Sara are checking out honeymoon destinations, the single girl is focusing on loosing those last three kilos to make sure she can land someone in those last few months left.
Single women in Cairo are categorized in two main groups, those who will, and those who won’t; by that I am referring to the big giant industry of arranged marriages.
Depending on whether you’re part of one or the other group, you lead a very different life.
Say you are one of those who will accept arranged marriages. This automatically puts you on the path of getting a nice, decent un-ambitious job going out with good girls, hanging out in café’s and restaurants and girl’s houses. You take your mom’s advice on what to wear and how to accessorize, you go to all weddings, engagements and family gatherings –to be seen and all, you smile and say thank you while blushing politely, you’re friendly to all your mom’s friends, you are very agreeable in public and do not voice your opinions unless you are in an intimate one-on-one conversation with a close friend. If you are smart, intelligent and have a brain you make sure you are very subtle about it and you do not challenge anyone or be too noticeable in big gatherings. You spend your summers vacationing in Marina with your family and go to parties with all the kids in your family.
Now if you are one of those who won’t accept an arranged marriage, life gets tougher. You have to go out and find one, which means you have to act in a way that impresses the boy himself and not his mother. Wardrobe suggestions from your mother are strictly ignored; instead you rely on Cosmo, Glamor and Instyle. Your job is important, when it sucks it has a big impact on your overall mood, so you end up doing or trying to do something you really like; which leaves less time for accessorizing and mixing and matching. It also makes beauty sleep scarce and turns make-up into something you associate with dressing up for a party. Your hang-outs extend to pubs, house parties and sexy roof top bars leaving less time for family gatherings and casual polite conversations with your mom’s friends. Being charming and witty and engaging in light conversations that swiftly move from traffic and weather to the state of the economy and the new social trends is an art that needs to be mastered. An aura of effortlessly chic is also necessary – after all you are a smart young urban professional – you don’t have time to look too over done. Since you’re out there experiencing life you have more to contribute to conversations which makes it hard to nod politely when someone looks your direction after an interesting statement. You spend your vacations with friends, hoping to get to know more people and the concept of getting to know someone sitting next to you in a café or a bar doesn’t seem that appalling any more. At weddings you dance and have a good time mixing and meeting people instead of standing next to the bride smiling and clapping, trips to the buffet with family members are replaced with trips to the bathroom with the girls to go over the “potentials” on the dance floor.
All in all, depending on whether you’re type A-Single or type B-Single – your life is not the same. Tune in for an insight into the life of single women in Cairo, it’s a jungle out there. Enjoy
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